Sunday, July 13, 2014

The Undercurrent Of Change

did you know
change sometimes moves
really slowly
& quietly
so much so that
it's invisible
& you might curse at it
& demand more
without realizing
the pace is such
that we can't grasp on
to it
& boy do we like to
grasp on
but I can tell you
the change is there
an undercurrent
& one day it surfaces
sometimes happily
with pure joy
& other times
it can't help
but smack us in the face
we must awaken &
we are not consciously
in control
& our path
unfolds as it's meant to
the less we force it
the more we are
swept into
that beautiful
underlying current

can you trust in it?
can you place blind faith in
an intelligence
& spirit
beyond this physical realm? 

the letting go is

Saturday, May 31, 2014

What's Yours?

Maybe it's baby alphabet stamps.
Maybe it's sparkling amethyst or blue twinkle lights.
Maybe it's creative surges, real iced tea or healing conversations.
Maybe it's an invitation to a picnic or tea in a window seat.

Maybe it's sweaty hot yoga or listening to the pace of the day your body requests.

Maybe it's his silliness that keeps you grounded.



Saturday, May 24, 2014

Quietly Letting Go

It's impossible today to not be utterly grateful and in awe. The sun has been beaming bright all day. The breeze moves through all the new budding flowers, bright green baby leaves, branches and dandelions. Their colours are illuminated to their brightest capacity. I've found myself walking to places just to have an excuse to be outside. I'm not a very good wanderer most of the time. I like a specific destination to aim for. So I found myself in a hot yoga class, in my usual thrift store, in another (not as good) thrift store and finally to a coffee shop for an iced green tea and some downloading.

Today has felt full.

And even in this springtime of great birth and of great death - I'm seeing as many thriving nature babies as ones who have passed - I'm feeling the balance to it all. I usually lean towards feeling helpless and sad at the sight of these losses. Instead I've been saying a silent prayer for peace in hopes that it reaches the spirit of the wee animals I've come across. 2 mice. 1 rabbit. 1 baby bird. 1 mama bird.

I feel all of it.

These days I'm reading books about how to further develop my 6th sense. I've been taking workshops to develop my professional therapy skills. I've been making homemade popcorn that could rival any theatre's offering. I've been quiet in my inner transformations. I'm doing more art journalling, planning art groups at my work and trying my darndest to recognize and give credit to my skill sets.

I will be a therapist one day.

I will also heal with my hands.

I will share my journey of healing through art journalling.

I will make bracelets and wear as many as I want to at one time.

I will continue listening to my 6th sense.

We hit up against walls for good reason. I'm letting go more than I ever have to the flow of life.

All signs point to eventual success if I can just keep on letting go.

So that's what I'm up to.

I'm quietly letting go.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Thirty Three

I'm 33 now and time feels strange. There are so many "shoulds" at this age. Have a partner? Then you should be engaged. Engaged? Then you should be married. Married? Then you should have kiddos.

It's just not unfolding this way. And the more I embrace this natural flow, the better I feel. If I do these things for you or her or him or them...then how do I know if I'm going to be happy?

Lives appear so different on the surface. And there are so many surfaces. So much reliance on them to be shiny and tidy and progressive.

There's so much focus on money and wealth and showing it off - through bits and bobbles, houses and cars. If you have this and you have that, then you've made it. If your income level reaches a certain number, then you've made it. Most of that crap I don't care about. (I do enjoy my bits and bobbles, though.)

The friends I choose are free flowing and wise. The kind of wise where they know their own boundaries and still trip over them. They let you in on the nitty gritty. They aren't afraid of space.

I've learned perfectionism has to be tamed or else it can turn you into the lion's roar. Beautiful from a distance.

And what if the anxiety isn't really anxiety but rather my body's signal to me that I've taken in too much?

There are so many contemplations these days.

I want to:

- go on a meditation retreat
- volunteer with a farm sanctuary
- do reiki on animals
- find a spiritual mentor
- teach art journalling

Can I do it all?

My cat was sick last week. Technically, she still is. I've got three weeks worth of meds to sneak into her food. When I looked up her issue (UTI) in my Louise Hay book, You Can Heal Your Life, she said this is due to deep anger - usually towards a male. Oh my. I know this transition with our male cat has been tough, but I think it has been the toughest on her. Poor girl.

I'm off work this week and I can hardly motivate myself outside of my apartment. There's something in the air, the stars, the cosmos. Slowing me down. Shutting me down.

It's all good. 

I'm embracing the present now. Accepting what is. Finding happiness in every day. Staying humble and grateful. 

How is Spring treating you?


Thursday, March 20, 2014

The Seeds

There's something to be said for remaining hopeful and assured - even if there isn't an answer.

I seem to always be searching for the answers.

And yet, there often isn't an immediate answer. If there is, a new question conveniently pops up.

My mind loves to focus on the questions.

Even when things seem certain, are they really?

Some change is slow, progressing in baby steps at a turtle's stride.

Some change slaps me in the face with vigour and fight. I'm here. Right now. Without notice.

My horoscope this week could have brought me to my knees. The signs are all around me. Reinforced, reinforced, again and again.

ARIES: "When you plant seeds in the garden, you don’t dig them up every day to see if they have sprouted yet," says Buddhist nun Thubten Chodron. "You simply water them and clear away the weeds; you know that the seeds will grow in time." That's sound advice for you, Aries. You are almost ready to plant the metaphorical seeds that you will be cultivating in the coming months. Having faith should be a key element in your plans for them. You've got to find a way to shut down any tendencies you might have to be an impatient control freak. Your job is simply to give your seeds a good start and provide them with the persistent follow-up care they will need.

Patience. It's not my virtue.

Go-go-go. Fire. Bold. Decisive.

The signs say slow down.

Sit in silence.


Sweat it out.




I'm trying to slow down a racing train. Those emergency brakes take a while to kick in.

The seeds / will grow / in time.

This is my mantra.

In time / the seeds / will grow.

Be patient. Have faith. There's growth I can't see or know or feel.

The seeds / in time / will grow.

Spring is my season. I was born in it. I was also born on a new moon. Creation, growth, change -  it's in my blood.

This is my time.

And I'm getting tired of worrying about the what-ifs and the unknowns.

I'm going to focus my energy on those seeds.

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