I'm 33 now and time feels strange. There are so many "shoulds" at this age. Have a partner? Then you should be engaged. Engaged? Then you should be married. Married? Then you should have kiddos.
It's just not unfolding this way. And the more I embrace this natural flow, the better I feel. If I do these things for you or her or him or them...then how do I know if I'm going to be happy?
Lives appear so different on the surface. And there are so many surfaces. So much reliance on them to be shiny and tidy and progressive.
There's so much focus on money and wealth and showing it off - through bits and bobbles, houses and cars. If you have this and you have that, then you've made it. If your income level reaches a certain number, then you've made it. Most of that crap I don't care about. (I do enjoy my bits and bobbles, though.)
The friends I choose are free flowing and wise. The kind of wise where they know their own boundaries and still trip over them. They let you in on the nitty gritty. They aren't afraid of space.
I've learned perfectionism has to be tamed or else it can turn you into the lion's roar. Beautiful from a distance.
And what if the anxiety isn't really anxiety but rather my body's signal to me that I've taken in too much?
There are so many contemplations these days.
I want to:
- go on a meditation retreat
- volunteer with a farm sanctuary
- do reiki on animals
- find a spiritual mentor
- teach art journalling
Can I do it all?
My cat was sick last week. Technically, she still is. I've got three weeks worth of meds to sneak into her food. When I looked up her issue (UTI) in my Louise Hay book, You Can Heal Your Life, she said this is due to deep anger - usually towards a male. Oh my. I know this transition with our male cat has been tough, but I think it has been the toughest on her. Poor girl.
I'm off work this week and I can hardly motivate myself outside of my apartment. There's something in the air, the stars, the cosmos. Slowing me down. Shutting me down.
It's all good.
I'm embracing the present now. Accepting what is. Finding happiness in every day. Staying humble and grateful.
How is Spring treating you?